I have to admit, I came home yesterday with visions of Racing Gracie wielding a light saber laying waste to the Jedi Council. There was something unnerving about that vision. When I tried to describe it, all I could think of was a quote from Obi-Wan Kenobi, “I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.” Of course that might just have been the San Francisco Giants fans after they were swept and eliminated from the post season.

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if yesterday’s allegiance to the Dark Side would have other implications. Walking around the concourse before the game, there was Racing Gracie who looked as though nothing had happened. He was still wearing his purple jersey rather than some dark sith cloak.

Maybe I was just imagining things. After all I think Han Solo said it best, “Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen *anything* to make me believe that there’s one all-powerful Force controlling everything. ‘Cause no mystical energy field controls *my* destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

At the conclusion of the fifth inning it was once again time for the Legends Races. The trumpet sounded and the gates to the Los Angeles Dodgers bullpen burst open releasing the racers. One-two-three, where was Racing Gracie?

Luis Gonzalez, Matt Williams, and Randy Johnson were running down the track towards the Dodgers dugout but Mark Grace was nowhere to be found. Suddenly Racing Gracie leapt from the dugout to take the lead.

It was such a shock to see Racing Gracie that everyone in the crowd seemed to ignore the fact that he hadn’t started the race. There he was in front as they rounded home plate Gracie crossed the finish line in first.

The crowd at Chase Field jumped from their seats in an impromptu standing ovation. I can’t be certain but I think I saw a tear flow down the cheek of the little old man sitting down the row from me. Amid his sobs he said something about being able to die happy now that Racing Gracie had won the race.

As the crowd celebrated dancing around the seats in Chase Field the public address announcer came on and admonished the fans claiming that Racing Gracie had been disqualified for cheating by not starting in the bullpen like the other racers.

There was no joy in Mudville that day. Joy was in the stands at Chase Field crying as victory was snatched away from Racing Gracie replaced with a long chain of failure and a value hot dog. As if that was not enough shame, Racing Gracie has been banished from racing in tomorrow’s race.

Oh the humanity of it all. A dejected Racing Gracie trudged up the stairs from the playing field. I have no doubt that the events of today are a direct result of Grace aligning himself with Darth Vader and starting that path down the dark side.

While I have sympathy for Racing Gracie it is the kids I feel most sorry for. Gracie’s large foam head seemed to sag from the weight of the dark side. As he exited I thought I saw a small child tug on his polyester pant leg and exclaim, “Say it ain’t so Gracie! Say it ain’t so!”

Star Wars Day; it seemed like the perfect backdrop for Racing Gracie. What better storyline than a young Legend who becomes a Jedi and using the old Jedi mind games overtakes the evil empire freeing the princess, destroying the Death Star, and in the process winning the race for the Rebel Alliance. Ok, maybe not but it would still make a great movie and be honest wouldn’t you rather see Racing Gracie instead of Jar Jar Binks in the Phantom Menace?

Chase Field was again packed. With the Diamondbacks now firmly in the playoffs you knew the fans were here to witness a bit of history. No not the Diamondbacks beating Tim Lincecum (although that would be nice) but rather they came to see Racing Gracie in his bid to go 1-121 since the inception of the Legends Race.

Everything was going to plan. The Diamondbacks had the lead; Bobby Freeman was belting out tunes on the organ like a crazed Jedi knight; and the beer was flowing freely in the stands. It was the perfect day for something special.

At the conclusion of the fifth inning the trumpets sounded signifying the start of the Legends race. At the gun Racing Gracie leapt out of the Giants bullpen like a galactic battle cruiser. He was flying down the line faster than Anakin Skywalker’s pod racer. The other Legends were so far out of the race they had been written out of the script of two George Lucas’ prequels.

Then the unthinkable happened. Standing just beyond the Giants on-deck circle stood a dark shadow. It was none other than Darth Vader. The Sith Lord was all that stood in the way between Racing Gracie and victory.

My first fear was that Gracie would do an Obi-Wan Kenobi trick and let Darth Vader strike him down destroying the physical body of Racing Gracie but allowing him to manipulate the races on the other side of the Force. That would have been cool but it didn’t happen.

Instead Racing Gracie stopped before Lord Vader and knelt down on the dirt pledging his allegiance to the Dark Side joining forces with Vader to rule the galaxy! Somewhere in the crowd I heard someone yell, “Nooooo!” not once but twice. It almost sounded like Anakin Skywalker at the end of Revenge of the Sith but I can’t be sure. I may have to check my Star Wars Blu-Ray set.

At the end of his pledge, Racing Gracie rose and took his spot next to Darth Vader to rule the galaxy and overthrow the Emperor and maybe even Bud Selig. As the other Legends racers approached Gracie took Vader’s light saber and began destroying his competitors.

In a move reminiscent of Luke Skywalker chasing Womp Rats through Beggar’s Canyon on the planet of Tatooine, Randy Johnson avoided the light saber of Racing Gracie and crossed the finish line defeating the Sith Lord and his new apprentice showing that good does indeed triumph over evil.

The race ended with the Diamondbacks public address announcer ominously remind Racing Gracie that once you begin the path to the Dark Side you may never return. Unless of course your George Lucas then you can return in a new special edition Blu-Ray set with freshly edited scenes clearly showing Randy Johnson shot first against the bird during Spring Training.

With Diamondbacks ace Ian Kennedy on the mound to face the San Francisco Giants, fans throughout Chase Field hoisted signs proclaiming the right-hander’s dominance against the other team.

In his first start since winning 20 games, Kennedy would be facing the World Champion San Francisco Giants just a day after the Diamondbacks had clinched the National League Western Division championship. Kennedy looked confident on the mound and the Diamondbacks were having their way with the Giants pitching staff scoring at will.

The sold out crowd of 49,076 were loud and on their feet by the time the fifth inning rolled around. Everyone was in a great mood having clinched a playoff spot for the first time in four years. With that much positive energy in the stadium the only thing left was the Legends race.

Perhaps Racing Gracie would take a page from the Diamondbacks playbook and sprint across the finish line for the first time in two seasons. When the last out of the fifth inning was made, the speakers in Chase Field rang to life signaling the beginning of the Legends Race.

The four Diamondbacks legends emerged from the Giants bullpen and began to make their way towards home plate. I looked then did a double take to check what I just saw. All of the normally clean-shaven Legends were sporting a red beard in honor of Ian Kennedy.

The crowd roared their approval as the racers headed towards the Giants dugout. Gracie was staying close but with each stride seemed to be tiring just a little. As the Legends reached the home plate Gracie was looking seriously winded.

As the Legends rounded the corner to the finish line Luis Gonzalez seized the moment and sprinted across the finish line for the win. After the race all four legends would unveil signs congratulating Kennedy on his 20th win.

I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in Racing Gracie’s big foam eye. If I didn’t know any better I could have sworn I saw a foam tear forming in his gigantic tear duct. Something was definitely amiss and it wasn’t just the 121st time he lost. This may bear watching over the next few days.

The one question I get asked more than any other when talking about the 2011 Major League Baseball All-Star game in Phoenix Arizona is, “Will the Racing Legends be running during the games?” To be honest, I had no idea.

But as I sat in the stands during All-Star Sunday’s Sirius/XM Radio Futures game I heard the familiar sounds of the trumpeter calling out the Diamondbacks Legends racers to take their marks. I immediately jumped to attention and strained my eyes looking towards the World bullpen area.

There stretching were Matt Williams, Randy Johnson, Luis Gonzalez, and of course fan-favorite Mark Grace. People sitting around me had very confused looks on their face wondering why the crowd was cheering at the end of an inning.

I quickly tried to explain what was about to happen. How can you possibly describe a year’s worth of futile attempts by Racing Gracie to finally win a race? I was having a difficult time explaining the event and the lack of success Grace had had. When I mentioned Grace’s name, the curse of the billy goat, and the Chicago Cubs light bulbs immediately came on and people realized what was happening.

The racing Legends emerged from the bullpen led by Matt Williams. Standing part way down the foul line was Diamondbacks mascot D. Baxter riding a chicken. No really, you can’t make this stuff up. Baxter was holding what looked like a pole with pads on it and as the Legends approached the chicken attacked with Baxter wildly swinging his pole.

He happened to connect with the racers and in particular Racing Gracie who staggered left and right several steps but able to keep his balance. The affects of being pummeled by a bobcat riding a chicken took their toll.

All of the racers slowed down to a snails pace as they tried to grasp what had just happened. Unfortunately Gracie was not as quick to understand and Matt Williams finished the race for the win continuing Gracie’s losing streak.

I’m still not sure whether Spring Training or special games count towards the loss total so I hesitate to add one to the loss column but I did want to make sure everyone was aware that the Racing Legends are alive and well during All-Star week and Racing Gracie continues to struggle despite being chosen to participate in the All-Star festivities.

It was the last game of the home stand and after a few close calls everyone at Chase Field was hoping that today would be the day that Racing Gracie would finally enter the win column not just for this season but ever.

Today was D. Baxter the Bobcat’s birthday and the Diamondbacks were celebrating by having several of Baxter’s friends attend the game. Maybe the overdose of mascots would be just what Gracie needed to get his act in gear.

When the fifth inning ended the Racing Legends were all stretching in the Washington National’s bullpen awaiting the beginning of the race. When the trumpet sounded and the gates flung open out came the four Legends.

Matt Williams, Randy Johnson, and Luis Gonzalez each held up signs wishing Baxter a Happy Birthday and seemed content to celebrate rather than run the race. Racing Gracie took this opportunity and burst away from the pack towards the Nationals dugout.

The other three racers seeing Gracie take advantage of them rushed to try and catch up. At the visitor’s on-deck circle was none other than the birthday boy himself, Baxter. Gracie saw him and realized that he had a gift for the Diamondbacks mascot.

He stopped and handed Baxter an autographed Racing Gracie bobble head from earlier in the season. Which he was giving Baxter the gift and a hug the other racers caught up and passed Gracie.

By the time Racing Gracie had realized what had happened Williams had crossed the finish line moving Gracie’s losing stream to 0-78. I couldn’t help but think of the old Lesley Gore song, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” Sometimes parties don’t turn out like you want them to.

As the trumpets sounded and the gates to the Washington Nationals bullpen burst open the four Racing Legends emerged running as fast as they could towards the Diamondbacks dugout. During the pre-game warm-ups you could see a look of determination in Racing Gracie’s large foam eyes. Clearly he was taking tonight’s race seriously; perhaps tonight was the night he finally broke through for his first victory.

Through the first leg of the race, Racing Gracie was pulling away from his competition. Each stride seemed to be longer than the last and he was in cruise control by the time he reached the Washington Nationals dugout. It looked as though nothing could stop Racing Gracie.

I leapt from my seat screaming at the Lovable Losing Legend hopefully giving him the encouragement he needed to reach the finish line. As Racing Gracie reached the Washington Nationals on-deck circle the unthinkable happened.

Four former US Presidents leapt out and grabbed Racing Gracie and pinned him next to the wall. From my vantage point it was unclear where these presidents came from or even which presidents they were.

One of the White House cretins was Abe Lincoln, he was hard to miss considering he was taller than the others and had on that black stove pipe hat. It also looked like George Washington was among the thugs or at least someone wearing a white wig and what looked like wooden teeth. The other two were behind Racing Gracie holding his arms.

To his credit, Racing Gracie fought hard to escape his captives. His big foam eyes showed equal parts of fear and determination. What happened next was completely unexpected (which is saying something considering no one expected to see a gang of presidents get out onto the field and disrupt a Racing Legends race in the first place).

The three other Legends approached the scene of the scuffle. Abe Lincoln was waving to the other Legends to hurry and take the lead while they held Gracie to the wall.

I don’t know about you but I’ve become a little apprehensive of governmental help and it seems so have the Racing Legends. When Randy Johnson arrived at the scene, instead of running by he took out Abe Lincoln with a clothesline move knocking him all the way back to the civil war. Lincoln’s hat went flying, as did the once again dead president.

Luis Gonzalez was the next to arrive and tore through another one of the presidents. Matt Williams lowered his giant foam head and bowled over the third president pushing through him without breaking stride.

Three of the would-be presidential attackers had been neutralized leaving Racing Gracie to go mano-a-mano with one Teddy Roosevelt. With ninja like precision Gracie disposed of our 26th president.

Unfortunately by the time Gracie bested the president Matt Williams had already won the race. While he was not successful in winning a Legends Race, Grace can lay claim to one thing: He is at least beat a president who has been dead for 92 years.

After having lost 75 consecutive races you would begin to think we had seen every possible way there is to lose a Legends race but Racing Gracie somehow seems to invent news ways to finish out of the winners circle.

During the fifth inning of the game the Arizona Diamondbacks received a huge boost when shortstop Stephen Drew lined a ball off the centerfield wall for a bases-clearing triple. As the fans cheered Drew’s heroics the Racing Legends looked on from the Nationals bullpen.

I commented wondering whether Racing Gracie had picked up any tips from watching Drew motor around the bases for a stand-up triple. As the inning ended with the Diamondbacks winning 4-0 it was time for the Legends race.

The trumpet sounded and the four contestants emerged from the bullpen streaking towards home plate. It looked as though Racing Gracie had indeed been paying attention he got an inside track and was cruising past the Washington Nationals dugout.

Suddenly Racing Gracie’s near flawless running form developed a hitch. At first I thought he had pulled a hamstring but as I watched that wasn’t the case. Instead he began prancing around like he was riding a stick horse.

With each hop and gallop the other legends got closer and by the time they reached the other side of home plate Racing Gracie had gone from the lead to last place. Clearly Racing Gracie was losing horse power.

In the end Matt Williams took the checkered flag and Racing Gracie pranced across the line in last place. I’m afraid if Gracie would have been a horse we would be sending him to the glue factory. But then kids expect their glue to flow faster than Racing Gracie is capable. Alas the streak continues and he is now 0-76.

After a frustrating loss to a bunch of radio talk show hosts it was time to get back to business trying to find an elusive win for the Racing Gracie. Tonight seemed like the perfect night for Gracie’s first win. The Washington Nationals were in town and if anyone could relate to the challenges of Racing Gracie it would be the Nationals.

The Racing Presidents have been going on for quite some time and like their Diamondbacks Legends counterparts there is one poor participant that has remained winless. Teddy Roosevelt has not been credited with a win since the races began and as of this last week he was 0-394.

It’s hard to even fathom nearly 400 losses, that is 320 more losses than Racing Gracie has endured. For a moment this week Teddy Roosevelt seemed to have won a race but was disqualified for riding a Segway.

As the fifth inning came to an end, the racing Legends emerged from the Nationals bullpen. Grace was matching Randy Johnson, Matt Williams, and Luis Gonzalez stride for stride. The lead changed multiple times and as the racers rounded home plate it looked like Gracie had the edge.

Like so many times before, Grace saw victory snatched away at the last moment as Johnson crossed the finish line. It’s beginning to look more and more like Racing Gracie is following in Teddy Roosevelt’s shoes and those aren’t running shoes.

Tonight’s D-backs Legends race had a celebrity feel to it, even more than is normally the case. For tonight’s races several members of the KTAR radio family donned the Legends suits to try their hand at racing.

Morning talk show hosts Ron Wolfley, Doug Franz, and Katy Hartley took on the persona of Randy Johnson, Matt Williams, and Luis Gonzalez respectively. This was the result of a lost on-air bet during March Madness.

With three rookies in the race this looked to be the perfect opportunity for Racing Gracie to finally win a race. The race started well enough with Racing Gracie keeping pace with Williams while Johnson was slightly behind. Gonzalez was obviously struggling and each step fell farther behind.

The Legends rounded home plate towards the finish line and Gracie seemed poised to catch Williams and win. Gracie was drafting like an Indianapolis 500 driver and it looked like a quick step to his right and a burst of speed would put him in victory lane.

Instead Williams stopped dead and drifted towards the stands trapping poor Gracie as he watched Johnson sprint by to take the win. Alas not even three rookie racers could give poor Gracie the win.

Maybe next time there are celebrity racers we can get the Diamondbacks to bring Olympic champion Usain Bolt from Jamaica to wear the Racing Gracie costume. Even then I’m afraid something would happen and Gracie would lose.

It has been an incredible month for the Arizona Diamondbacks. They had gone from struggling to stay out of last place when the month started to leading the division when the month ended. The sun was shining brightly in the desert and we weren’t even complaining about the dry heat.

But even with all of the excitement and revelry there remained one portion of the organization that was still struggling to right the ship. I am talking of course about the Racing Gracie. Despite the new attitude that manager Kirk Gibson and his coaching staff are instilling and his insistence on playing hard for the entire game; that doesn’t seem to have motivated Racing Gracie.

Gracie’s somewhat carefree attitude has become an unfortunate constant during this winless streak. Perhaps it is the fact that he has been beaten down for 72 consecutive races or maybe it is some lingering problems from the head injury he suffered earlier this season. Whatever the case, it’s not helping Gracie get to the win column.

Tonight it looked as though he was going to break out of his slump, well he looked good during pre-game warm-ups or as good as a guy can look with a 4-foot foam head on his shoulders.

When the Legends emerged from the bullpen Luis Gonzalez and Randy Johnson burst out to an early lead while Gracie tried hard to get in front of Matt Williams. As the got to the front of the Marlins dugout Gracie was just a little too close to Williams.

Williams took offense to Gracie invading his personal space and began slapping him about the foam head. This smack down continued around to home plate before Williams pulled away leaving Gracie to finish dead last.

Alas, it doesn’t look like the Diamondbacks good luck in May has rubbed off on poor Gracie as he falls to 0-28 for the year and 0-73 lifetime.