Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting

With the trade deadline looming, there has been some discussion in the stands that the Arizona Diamondbacks are in desperate need to make some changes to position the team to return to their winning ways.

While all the focus in the papers have been on which players may be traded away and which are probably safe; the discussion in the stands have surrounded which Legends may not be part of the team after the July 31st trade deadline.

Matt Williams had been struggling but his recent string of Legends race wins now has him in the lead and has probably saved him from possible trade. Luis Gonzalez has likewise recovered from a near disastrous finish in the first race to become a force to be reckoned with in the Legends races. And let’s face it, Randy Johnson is intimidating at 6’ 10”, can you imagine delivering the news of a trade to a Johnson who is over 10 feet tall? He may be made of polyester and foam but that menacing glare is still there and no one dares talk to him.

That brings us to Mark Grace. Grace is winless through the first 16 races and frankly he’s never looked that good. Granted there may not be too much interest in a slow and winless Grace but the Diamondbacks might be able to get a Harry Carey bobble head or a scuffed up batting practice baseball in a trade.

Obviously the word has gotten back to the Grace Legend. He definitely looked focused going into today’s race. In fact, I’m not sure he didn’t jump the gun just a little. He had such a lead after just a few yards that he seemed like a lock to finally win his first race.

As Grace rounded home plate the other racers were not even in the camera shot. Then as Grace came up on the finish line, the unthinkable happened. Standing directly in his way was a kung-fu panda.

No not Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval. That would have been easy, Grace would just have to throw him a high pitch outside the strike zone and Sandoval would have fallen for that.

No this was an honest to goodness panda in a kung-fu uniform. As you would expect, the panda had a black belt. With Grace approaching the panda leapt into action starting with what looked like a furry crane move.

With the stealth of a ninja the panda attempted a woshi finger hold but Grace wildly waved his arms and the panda missed but then connected with a three-toed front kick right to the groin.

Grace dropped like a plate of Moo goo gai pan. He laid there holding his family jewels. I’m not sure but I think I saw polyester tears in his big foam eyes.

I stood there looking from the field level to the dbTV and back to the fallen Legend. I was in such shock that I didn’t even notice who won the Legends race. Words cannot describe my emotions.

Grace was so close to victory then in a last second flurry of fur, foam, and polyester he was down unable to even finish the race. I got a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. It felt like… well I guess it felt like someone kicked you in the groin.

Oh the humanity of it all. Not only did Grace not win the race but there is a very real possibility that he may never be able to have any little Legends after his racing career is over. The streak continues to 0-17.


About Jeff Summers

Just a guy from Section 132 Row 9 Seat 9 trying to understand the metaphysics of baseball and whether the knuckleball defies Newton's first law of motion.
This entry was posted in 2010 Races and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting

  1. Diane O'Brien says:

    Let Gracie Win!!!! Come on guys ~ what started out as a fun race, with Gracie just happening not to win, of course has turned in to alot of fun. And Grace has been really great fun through it all. I think you should have the race where Gracie is trailing Randy Johnson in the lead ~ Randy trips as he is running, lands flat (kind of like the chalk outline at first base years ago) and Gracie goes on to win! How’s that for a great finish to a Legends Race! And, Gracie gets his win ~ finally! Oh and BTW, I think this should happen on Saturday when the Gonzo festivities are being held. Oh wow, come to think of it, that would be great! Even Gonzo would love it!

  2. Always watch out for the panda!
    They’re trouble!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>